With another birthday looming at the end of this week, I can’t help but reflect on the many ways my life has changed over the last year. Looking back to a year ago when I had an 8 week old, even with everything that had already changed so dramatically, I had no idea of what else was to come. I was listening to a podcast recently about time, and the relative nature of it…how we think that at whatever point in time we are at the moment, we are the real person we are; we believe that we have mostly grown and changed as much as we can….but that is never the case. I think that concept is so accurate, especially for me. Ask me in my 20s, if I was who I would become, my real self. I would have said “absolutely. I’ve grown so much into the person I am. I’ll mostly stay the same from here on out.” However, that wasn’t true at all. We are always changing and growing, and I have found that growth and change has never been prominent than after having a child.
I have to say that, for me at least, having a child has been, hands-down, the most incredible and life-changing, sometimes challenging, experience I have had in my 31 years on this earth. It changed me in ways I could not even begin to imagine until I had a child. Many people present having a child as if you will lose something, some element or yourself or your freedom, but that is infinitesimal compared with what you gain. I thought I loved my husband, my family, but nothing compares to that boundless soul-wrenching love I have for my daughter. Not only that, but that love has changed and grown over the last year, and I can only imagine that will continue for the rest of her life. Time seems so bittersweet, as I cheer on every milestone and triumph, wanting her to learn and grow, but I fight back tears with every outgrown outfit or toy, wishing that time were not so fleeting. It’s been one of those rare times in my life where I repeatedly tell myself to enjoy it because I know I will look back fondly and miss these days. I know every moment is a memory to be treasured, and I’m not sure I always live up to that expectation. All I can say to my darling little girl is that I love you more than words can ever express. Thank you for giving me the honor and joy of being your mother. I am so incredibly lucky. You bring happiness, laughter and joy everywhere you go, and you really are the light of my life. Thank you for this past year. It’s gone by in the blink of an eye, but so much has changed for the better. Looking forward to all the years to come my love.
-Mama